5 Interesting Reasons We’re Terrified Of Telling Our Stories

Everyone loves stories. We read them all the time. We watch TV. We love the drama. It’s intoxicating. The energy they provide hooks us. We know they are powerful tools for conversation and influence. Yet, we shy away when it comes to telling our own…the pure, unfiltered version which doesn’t allow us to be the hero.

We tell ourselves we’re “real.” But, the version we allow everyone else to see most often is the airbrushed, edited version which presents us in the best light possible. Don’t believe me? Scroll down your Instagram feed or your Facebook feed. That’s the sanitized version of almost everyone you know.

Now, that’s not a bad thing, necessarily. If everyone were to share their laundry all day, every day, it might be a bit much. But, maybe it wouldn’t be. Because, that statement alone indicates the fear we have behind sharing our truth. There are support groups built just for the express purpose of helping people to share their “truth.”

This “truth” is the real us which is often hidden. But, it’s the very truth which helps us to connect with others in a very real way. So, why do we hide it?

I’m glad you asked. We’re scared to tell our stories:

1.Because of the judgment in us. It’s so much easier to see the speck in the eye of another than the plank in our own. We become scared that by revealing our inner truth, we become subject to the same judgment we knowingly or unknowingly pass on others. Sure, we may convince ourselves that we are not judgmental, but we all are. We make judgments all day. Every day! In a simple walk down the hall, we judge how people might be feeling based on their facial expressions, their posture, the colors they might be wearing, what they are saying, the energy they use and even their eye contact. Not all judgment is bad, but it’s a scary thing because we don’t know which way it might go. When we recognize judgment in ourselves, it’s often scary and even scarier to admit.

2. Because we feel inadequate. We don’t feel like we measure up to where others are. We feel like our stories will further invalidate us. I’ve had moments where I’ve looked at the calendar and felt like I haven’t accomplished enough in my life. I’m guilty of using the measuring stick to beat myself over the head. Many of us are.

I love the quote by Marianne Williamson which says:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

While I love the quote, the fear of our powerfulness shows up in these words…”I am not enough.” We feel like there is someone better, someone bigger, someone taller, someone smarter. Those arguments exist in our brains and yes, they do come from the fear that we might actually be more than we think.

3. Because it might open up some wounds. We have worked so hard to suppress pain and forget failures. Our stories often remind us that those things exist. And we are scared to re-open the wounds because they mean we might actually have to deal with the cause of the wounds. Is it healthy to keep re-opening wounds? Maybe not. I’m not a therapist. But, it’s also not healthy to act as if they don’t exist. At least, if we tell the story, we can deal with what is out there rather than hiding it in the dark. There, in the shadows, it doesn’t do any good at all. But when you bring it to light, you can deal with it and you might also help someone else be brave enough to tell their story. This is the very definition of inspiration.

4. Because action might be required. Once you let the cat out of the bag, there might be expectations…either from yourself or from others. Your stories not only share your experiences but also your dreams. Once you begin to speak, you might now be pushed to move forward. You’ve heard it or maybe you thought it. “I said it, now I’ve gotta do something.” Speaking your story out loud or seeing it written in front of you creates a different level of perception. Now, it becomes a bit more tangible and moves from simply a concept or idea. Now, there is room to place an action plan around it.

5. Because it might allow us to be discovered. When you share your story, guess what…other people might see it. We already talked about the judgment involved. But, something else can happen. Your story might cause you to be discovered. The moment you tell it, the world can see it. They can ask questions about it. They can share it. They can retweet it. They can hashtag it. It can go viral. That is scary. I have a friend who recorded her daughter singing a song about going to the potty. It got picked up by the local news. You just never know who will see your story, how it will strike them and where it will go once you release it.

Although we live our stories, they are not just for us. We’ve been tricked into believing an isolationist or individualist theory. This theory says that we accomplish things on our own, we should keep our failures to ourselves and only show the successes once we get there. The irony is that we won’t get there unless we open up. So, many people keep moving in a circle, trying to make sense of this story that was meant to be shared.

When we begin to see the world as a fully connected picture, then we might begin to realize how our stories provide the paint and the brush strokes which allow others to see their own.

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About The Author

My name is Robert Kennedy III. I’m a leadership and communication speaker, trainer and author. I recently released 7 Ways To Know You Were Meant To Lead on Amazon. Connect with me on Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn or Facebook.