Am I Judgmental When I Mentally Correct You?

The other day, I recorded a podcast episode called, “How To Convince People.” Some of the ideas in the episode stemmed from arguments that I see online.

If you spend any time on Twitter or Facebook especially, you’re bound to see some stone throwing happening. Someone states their opinion in a status update and people begin to weigh in. Somewhere during the weighing in process, a differing opinion emerges and the battle is on. There is a bit of back and forth and name-calling or insults begin. The ‘idiot’ word gets thrown in simply because there is a vigorous disagreement and no one is willing to budge. This isn’t a conversation…it’s a confrontation.

I choose not to participate in these and usually unfollow the thread. But, sometimes, I see something that particularly causes me to wrestle internally. I feel a little tension begin to rise in my body when I see some vigorously insulting another person but in the process, they use bad grammar or frequent misspelling. Am I the only one?

I physically feel my body perk up when the zingers are flying back and forth. Then, one party responds with, “Your an idiot!”. I do my best not to grammar police but mentally, it is really hard when the purpose of the comment is to insult the other party. I mean, what do you do when the insulter sends out something like, “Well, supposably, your a genius or whatever, but your an idiot!”

People make mistakes. People misspell things. I misspell things. Worst of all, that darn autocorrect has turned quite a few of my text messages into gobbledegook, making ME look like I had no command of the language. I get it. Mistakes happen. Furthermore, there are people who, despite their best efforts, have not mastered English grammar in the way some of us English snobs expect it. Yes, I’ll qualify myself in the snob group. (I twitch for just a moment when I hear the words “irregardless” and “conversate” used in a sentence. Although, English is really a silly language. See: congregation-congregate & conservation-conserve).

Maybe what really gets me is not the digression from “proper” English rules. (I use ain’t quite regularly) Rather, it’s the decision to insult or denigrate without considering your own flaws. I love the Bible verse which refers to pointing out the speck in someone else’s eye without considering the plank in your own. While we don’t always need to agree with each each other and can, in fact, offer feedback pleasantly, it is always important to acknowledge our own failings in our life journey. I feel the same way about leaders who point the finger at others, calling them liars and untrustworthy while they have been unfaithful in their own relationships.

Let me respond to the question posed in the title of this article. Am I judgmental when I mentally correct you? The answer is a resounding YES! Yes I am! But, we all are judgmental. We judge everyday. We make judgments based on skin, language, fashion, height, wealth, academic achievement, hair color and style, personality assessments (INTJ vs ENTP), athleticism, eye color, and the list goes on. We all make judgments and we judge each other. Inherently, that is what we do and there is no right or wrong in the judgment. It’s what we DO with the judgment that makes a difference. Do we use it to exclude others, hold them back or insult them? Or do we consider our own flaws and use those judgments to help move each other forward?

Am I judgmental when I mentally correct you? Why yes…yes I am!