Filling The Gaps In Your Life and In Your Speech

Our world is busy. Just this weekend, I had an event at my home. Then, the next morning, I rushed to an event at my church. That afternoon, my family went to visit some family whom my wife was meeting for the first time. From there, we drove out of state to a 95th birthday party for my grandmother. By the time we got home it was about 3am.

All of that happened within a 36 hour slot. Life is busy. We seem to try to fill every moment and silence takes a back seat.

It’s like that when we speak as well. The tendency is to fill as many moments with sound as possible and silence, for us, seems to sound awkward. So, even in the moments where we aren’t saying words, we cover those gaps with sound. Sometimes it’s an understandable word. At other times, it’s just a noise…like ‘uhhhhh’ or ‘ummmm’.

I’ve heard these filler words my entire life. And I recognized them when I heard someone use them repeatedly over the course of a conversation. Well, I didn’t pick out the words per se. However, I viewed the person speaking as less confident in their message. One or two. Fine. But, constant fillers totally pulled back the curtain on that person’s nerves and caused me to receive their message as one lacking confidence.

When I joined Toastmasters, there was such a focus on filler words, they now stuck out like a sore thumb. I heard them EVERYWHERE! I heard them in phone conversations. I heard them in presidential speeches. In some cases, I lost concentration because the filler words rang in my ears. OK. I went a little hard and so the fault was mine.

But all of this made me determined to erase them from my own speech. The obvious ones were ‘um’, ‘errr’, ‘uhhh’, and ‘ahhh’. But there were others I tended to use, such as ‘so’, ‘right?’ and ‘K’, as in a shortened form of OK.

So how do you get rid of those?

Follow these steps:

1. Recognize them. It’s impossible to do something about them if you don’t recognize you are using them. You will need to record speeches or conversations, play them back and listen for the obvious and not so obvious words you use as fillers or repeatedly.
2. Practice telling a story. Once you have figured out what your crutches are, you will need to concentrate on speaking without using them. Start by telling a simple story. Record it. Then tell the same story a different way, using different words. Record that and listen for any changes. If you recognize any fillers, practice and record again.
3. Slow down. Our minds and our mouths move at two different speeds. Sometimes, fillers only occur because of the difference in mental and verbal pace. So, slowing down and gathering your next phrase before speaking will help minimize this.
4. Close your mouth. Unconsciously, we tend to keep our mouths open between phrases or sentences. This naturally causes ‘uhhhs’ to occur. Concentrate on closing your mouth between sentences or phrases. It will feel and sound like a long pause. But this is ok. It will still sound natural. It won’t FEEL natural at first, but you will get it.
5. Eye contact. Look very closely. Have you noticed that ‘ummms’ and ‘uhhhs’ often seem to occur when you are glancing away or glancing down? In delivering your speech or in facilitating your meeting, find a pair of eyes which you can connect with (other than your own, of course) and then deliver your thoughtful phrases to those eyes. It will cause you to go just a bit slower and focus differently. We tend to ramble and run faster when we are bouncing our eyes around and just glancing. Make the message about them and connect with them through the eyes.

Remember, this isn’t simply about removing words from your language. This is about delivering your message with confidence and the right energy. The more you can remove verbal distractors, the easier it becomes to drive your message home while creating impact and influence.

And one more thing, just like life, sometimes silence does more for your confidence than words ever could.

Answered on Quora.com, in response to the question, “What’s a good way to stop using ‘um’ and ‘er’ when speaking in public?”

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About The Author

My name is Robert Kennedy III. I’m a professional speaker and author. I speak and write mainly about leadership and communication. Connect with me on Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook or on my website, RobertKennedy3.com

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