Reframing Fear & Growing Confidence
The longer I’m alive, the more I realize how simple life is. But, we also tend to make it complex to execute. For example, when I am afraid of speaking in front of people, what exactly am I afraid of? And why am I afraid of it? Is there an example that sticks out in my mind?
I have stood in front of audiences for one reason or another for more than three decades. To this day, I get butterflies before I speak or sing. If I were to think of those “butterflies” as fear, what am I really afraid of?
What are we afraid of?
When I was about 8 or 9, we were visiting one of my cousins. He’s just gotten some new skateboards. I’d never skateboarded before. he explained how it worked and off we went. It wasn’t pretty. Tony Hawk we were not. But, we were moving around and breaking a sweat. We must have looked like we were having fun because my 5 year old brother came excitedly running over when he saw us coming back down the block.
As soon as I hopped off the skateboard, he decided he wanted to ride. Before we had a chance to give him any instructions, he propped one leg up on the board, then hopped up and down to see if he could propel himself forward. There was no movement. So, he decided to jump a little higher, this time with both feet. As he came down, the skateboard slid just enough to cause him to lose his balance and go crashing on to the sidewalk.
He quickly jumped up, screaming and ran inside. My cousin and I continued to skateboard. We were kids and my brother seemed ok so we went on with our day.
Later on, he saw us coming down the block and he quickly ran inside the yard until we passed. Now, the skateboards were a sign of danger. For a few weeks, every time he saw a skateboard, he would run away.
What causes the fear?
In flipping through my memory bank, I don’t remember any early situations in my life which would have caused public speaking trauma. I don’t have any skateboard stories about speaking. So, what causes the fear?
Sometimes, we confuse our feelings. Whenever we attempt anything new, there is some level of anxiety. That anxiety can feel a bit like being afraid. But it isn’t fear. It’s the unknown. It’s a lack of experience. You don’t know what to expect.
Have you ever watched a movie and felt your heart begin to race as you watched a chase or fight sequence?
Why does that happen? It has nothing to do with you. You won’t get hurt. You won’t be embarrassed. You are not involved in any way, except you are watching. Yet, there is a physical impact. It’s the unknown; it’s the lack of experience; the anticipation. And sometimes, we misinterpret it as fear.
This misinterpretation comes from our self-focus. We’re focused on protecting ourselves from pain in situations where there is no pain apparent. So, what if we were to re-frame it? What if we understood the information for what it really was and corrected the context?
Fixing the Fear
With regard to public speaking, shift the focus to your audience. Shift your focus to the story at hand. When you passionately get into a story, the time passes quickly and you don’t think about failing. When you are mentally present and outwardly focused, those “butterflies” can now present themselves as passion and energy for your story.
So, before you begin speaking:
- Take a breath;
- Find a set of eyes that look like they are receptive to your story;
- Smile;
- Begin a conversation with those eyes;
- Wait for their response;
- Then continue
Start simply. Over time, your confidence will begin to grow. But, it all comes back to creating connection and a conversation.
Remember, your fear is not what it seems. But your success will be real if you act!
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About The Author
My name is Robert Kennedy III. I’m a professional speaker and author. I speak and write mainly about leadership and communication. Connect with me on Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook or on my website, RobertKennedy3.com
