Sometimes You Journey In Silence
I don’t know. But that’s the beauty of it. My journey! I mean, I know where I WANT to go. I have my GPS set but life rarely follows the exact path prescribed.
Like that time I won the spelling bee at my school. But, then when I went to the district level for my borough, I was so nervous, I got tripped up by the word ‘considered’.
I was standing on the stage, watching the other students get their words. One by one, they were being sent from the stage because they totally flubbed their words. I was getting more confident by the minute. Then, when they called my name, I felt all the nerves come back. I think they must have seen my body shaking as I shuffled up to the mic.
“Considered. As I walked home, I considered what I wanted to eat for dinner. Considered.”
The reader did what she had done for every other contestant and looked up at me expectantly, waiting for me to begin spelling.
C…O…N…S
“OMG, I know this word cold, why am I freaking out about it? This word is not difficult at all. Breathe. Keep going, Robert.”
The dude in my mind distracted me and made me lose focus for a moment. But, I kept going.
I…D…E
“Wait, did I miss a letter? Should I keep going or just take my defeat and go sit down? Oh, snap. There’s Dad in the audience. He’s reading something. He’s not even looking at me right now. Why am I freaking out over this? Breathe, Bobby, Breathe!”
R…ING
Those last three letters came out so quickly I wasn’t sure I had said them. I looked around with partial feelings of victory and confusion. My dad’s eyes caught mine, and then I knew something was wrong.
Just as my mind was completing the mental replay, the words came out of the reader’s mouth.
“I’m sorry. But, the word was ‘considered’, correctly spelled, C-O-N-S-I-D-E-R-E-D!”
It felt like she hammered those last two letters to spite me.
EEEEEEEE….DEEEEEEEEE!
I swear she said them in slow motion.
My Dad’s look of horror let me know I wasn’t going any further on this day.
I hung my head as I walked to the car. Dad didn’t say anything. He opened the back door and plopped his briefcase on the back seat. Then, he got in on the driver’s side and reached across to pull up my door lock.
We rode in silence for about 10 minutes. A scene straight from the movies.
Silence…with the stilts from the elevated New York City subways passing by and burnt out Bronx buildings reflecting on the window in front of my face.
“Are you proud of me?”, I asked.
Still looking ahead, one hand on the steering wheel and the other propped against the window, Dad responded, “Yeah.”
I said, “OK.”
We rode home in silence and didn’t speak about it again.
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