Why I Love Unsubscribes, Unfollowers & Unfrienders

I used to be offended. I really did. Here I was doing my durndest to run a business and it there were these people who were essentially telling me they didn’t like me anymore. OUCH!! I did my best to hide it but it hurt. I was working hard to grow my subscriber list but every time I sent an email, I would get a few people who unsubscribed. Truth be told, the vast majority of people stayed but I paid attention to the one or two who unsubscribed from my newsletters. I felt like running after them to yell, “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?”

“WHYYYYY DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE?”

It was bad! I took it personally and wondered how I could generalize my comments even further so that it wouldn’t offend anyone. You know…I wanted to be vanilla but still have everyone love me.

It was the same with Facebook or Twitter. I wondered why people unfriended or unfollowed. I never sent an inbox but I wanted to…ohhhhhhh boy I wanted to. Here’s the crazy part. In person, I’m absolutely NOT like that. I know that I’m not for everyone and I don’t expect everyone to like me. It’s impossible. I’m a creative but I’m a thinker. I can isolate. I’m energetic but I can come across as if I am ignoring you when I’m not paying attention. I’ve been called arrogant because I speak as if I’m right. That’s fair. I’m not mad about it. But, I’m definitely not a sensitive stalker type.

So, why was it different when it happened online? Well, I was trying to make money and it felt like a personal indictment when someone who I thought I could help…well…they left me. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense until one day, I heard someone telling my son, “Everyone is not going to like you. In fact, if some people tell you they no longer want to be your friend, they are actually giving you a gift. They are sharing with you where they are in life and essentially allowing you the room to work on being a better you. If they want to unsubscribe from your life, it’s ok. It just means they weren’t a fit. And that’s not a bad thing.”

I shook my head as I pondered the wisdom of this person. If only everyone could understand this and follow this advice, I thought. Then something crazy happened. I realized the person giving the advice was me. It hit me because I had just finished reading my email stats and was bothered about 3 unsubscribes.

You may or may not be a blogger or have a mailing list. You may or may not be a business person attempting to create visibility in order to sell some products. You may or may not be an author looking to create a great platform in order to spread your message further. The message is the same for all. People make decisions most because of themselves and not as much because of you. They make decisions based on how they are feeling and what they perceive as valuable to them. There is some value of course in finding out whether you are being a jerk and that is why people are leaving. But for the most part, people make decisions based on what they feel is a fit for them. This is a good thing. If you will allow yourself to sit inside of your gifts and your goals, you will see they are uniquely designed to help you make a difference for one person or a special group. If the people who are leaving are not a true part of this group, then they are giving you a gift by making space for the one’s who truly need what you have to offer. But, you’ve got to be willing to offer it without fear of criticism. Better yet, you’ve got to be courageous enough to push through the fear and do it anyway.

This doesn’t just apply to online ventures. The more you dive into your own personal growth and the more you begin to see your own potential, there will be some around who will not be a fit. Some will begin to feel uncomfortable around you…partly because of your growth or their lack of it. Some will begin to think you have changed. And you have! So, when they “unfriend” you or “unsubscribe” from you in real life, simply say, “Thank you. I’m grateful for your gift!”

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